If Walls Could Talk, they’d be grasses. You wouldn’t be able to smoke weed at 5 am, jerk off to weird porn or even play with your WWE toy collection at home anymore because Pete would tell everyone. Yes, I’m naming my bedroom wall Pete, and yes, he’s a little snitch. I had to spend three weeks in jail for sniffing coke. I’m joking, of course. Don’t do drugs, kids.
Why am I here again? Oh yes, I’m supposed to be reviewing Minneapolis-based bad boy Andy Cook’s latest single, If Walls Could Talk. Wait a minute! Is he suffering from the same issue too? That sucks.
“I wrote this song imagining, or I guess kind of exaggerating, a relationship. The narrator realises that this super special person they’d been talking about might not have meant everything they had said, and that being super special doesn’t necessarily mean super right.”
Juicy. I always pretend that I’m in a relationship at family gatherings. When they ask where Janine is, I usually tell a terrible lie. I once said she was working as a bodyguard for Kanye West. I then had to photoshop her face onto an already existing Yeezus protector. What a wedding that was.
Back to the single. If Walls Could Talk is a beautifully wrapped lunch full of meaty guitar hooks, jam-filled vocals and refreshing ideas. I was going to have a picnic with Janine yesterday actually, but Kanye was busy on tour, and she had to protect him. Unfortunate, but she’s a busy gal. I’d love to go on a date with Andy Cook, though. I’d make him perform a live version of If Walls Could Talk too. I love the song that much. It’s probably up there as being one of my best tunes of 2020 so far.
Paul, spread the word, you little blabbermouth. Andy Cook is a beautiful and talented man, and his indie tunes are bloody sublime. Don’t tell Janine, though. She’ll break my bones. Cheers.
