Fake news, good news, bad news, it’s all the same. Media companies attempt to knock you down with distressing headlines, then lift you back up with light-hearted stories such as Kellogg’s launching an onion-flavoured breakfast cereal. Without the daily reports, stats and charts, we’d probably feel better about ourselves and the world. But no, today I saw the headline: “Scientists Say New Strain Of Swine Flu Virus Is Spreading To Humans in China”, and cried a little. It’s time to put the house on the market and live in a cave.
Before I move out, I have a special announcement. Two Tone Television have a new single out tomorrow called OldNews. FFS! Come on, guys. Oh, the song’s about everyday hearsay; the tales spread by common folk and usually about Sandra’s affair with the milkman. Cool, cool. I’ll progress.
OldNews is a punk onslaught of bipolar vocals, forceful drum beats, and antagonistic riffs. Frontman Liam McCombie fluates between being a gossip girl and a hostile lout. It’s like reading Vogue while drinking a six-pack of fosters. Then there’s the guitar solo towards the end of the song. It not only blows your socks off but steals them too. They’ll be on eBay next week, starting bid £25.
I’m not too fond of the news, but OldNews is changing my mind. I’ve now applied to be a reporter for IMN. Next week, we’ll be discussing how the sun looks sad. Peace out.