“Do you want a fight? I’ll kill you!” – This is what Daniel Thomas would say in an alternative reality. He’d be a massive gangster with six arms, three legs and have a two hundred and sixty pack. How is that even possible? He goes to the gym sixteen times a day. That’s how bitch! Sorry, that wasn’t very nice. I’m actually a charming and respectable guy who would never hurt a fly. I did, however, get into fisty cuffs about five years ago with a lad that looked like he would drum for The Kooks and got beaten up pretty badly. Damn, probably shouldn’t have said that. Please don’t rob me. I have very little money. Cheers!
Talking about things you could kill, experimental rock band Subtopian Planning will punch your eardrums with their new single, Things We Couldn’t Kill. It’s all getting a little confusing now. Are they an angry band or not? I don’t know. They are from Paisley in Scotland though, a country notorious for drinking bucket loads of Buckfast and eating everything and anything battered. Maybe they are. It’s hard to tell from their social media pictures.
I did get a lot of angst from Things We Couldn’t Kill though. Throughout the song, lead vocalist Jennifer Leitch viciously assaults your brain with powerful and endearing words. Then there’s Jordan Frew on guitar and Daniel Esteban on bass. Both members of the band intertwine creative riffs and licks. It’s like they’re kids again playing on a seesaw; as one member goes up, the other goes down. Up and down, up and down in precise and clear symmetry.
We can’t forget about Craig Goodwin on drums and synth, that would be ill-mannered. As you can tell, I’m a pretty nice guy and would never leave anyone out. Craig, be quiet, I’m trying to say something beautiful about you here. Before I was so rudely interrupted by Craig, I was going to announce that he’s my favourite piece of the puzzle that is Things We Couldn’t Kill. I’d describe his position in the group as a father figure; he keeps everyone in line. Sometimes, he rewards the members with McDonald’s and ice cream if they’ve been super good. I love Craig. Get us a double cheeseburger meal, please. Nice one!
All in all, and as they would say in Scotland after sixty-five pints, Things We Couldn’t Kill is a bonnie, braw and tattie song. Damn, sorry, said that wrong. What I’m trying and struggling to put across is Subtopian Planning Board have a great future ahead of them, and I can’t wait to hear their next release or even attend one of their gigs (please visit Liverpool). I’ll be at the front of the crowd with a beer-battered sausage in one hand and a bottle of McEwan’s in the other, badly singing along to Things We Couldn’t Kill. You’ll enjoy it, though. Otherwise, I’ll get parallel universe Dan to tag along, and you won’t like that.