I once had a bad experience at a beauty school.
At sixteen, I had long curly hair and beautiful blue eyes. I was the talk of the town. Every time I entered the room A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton would play. I had a great life, then Sandra ruined it all. I was putting fake tan on Mrs Morris, then all of I sudden I realised it was Ronseal. For weeks, students would kick footballs at her because she looked like a fence. My reputation and life was ruined forever.
Thankfully, I now review music, and today I’m here to share the new single by Beauty School, I Don’t Like This Party. Wait, is this a sick joke? I don’t find it funny. I blame you, songwriter Daniel Ash from Southampton, you sent the email. Oh, I’ve just read it correctly, and he does want to promote his new solo project on IMN. My bad.
So, what’s the story behind I Don’t Like This Party? Are you a party pooper or something?
“I Don’t Like This Party is about a party I attended when I was fourteen. I had just been to town with a friend and picked up the first Clash album on CD. That evening, I got a text inviting me to a mutual friend’s party. I had the choice of staying in and listening to my new album or going along. I made the wrong decision, and instead of pogoing around my room to Janie Jones, I was in a house with lots of people I didn’t know and some guy putting his cigarette out on someone’s arm. I wouldn’t say I liked it. The moral of the story is, if in doubt, always stay at home and listen to The Clash and everything will come up roses.”
Reading that, I had a tear in my eye — beautiful, Daniel. I still don’t forgive you for bringing up such terrible memories. I could be running a successful business called Sherlock Combs and making loads of money. Instead, I’m eating a ready meal from Tesco and watching Ben Shephard make terrible jokes on Tipping Point. Shame on you, Daniel and Sandra.
Moving on, I Don’t Like This Party is an oxymoron. If it were a person, it would be bouncing off the walls after consuming five two-litre bottles of Lucozade and two packets of Haribo sweets. Yes, it’s that joyful. I also think Daniel’s lying about the whole hating social gatherings thing. He comes across as a massive partygoer, and his voice is that of a cocaine-induced state; you’ll want more and more. Yes, this is a beautiful song full of twists and turns. You’ll either be jumping on the table naked doing the helicopter dance or in A&E because you’ve head-butted the computer screen in excitement.
Before you listen to I Don’t Like This Party make sure you have medical insurance. I learnt the hard way.